Well, I Was Born in a Small Town...

Listening to the description of Carl’s return to West Gull, I am reminded of the many homecomings that I’ve had to my own small town after a prolonged absence.

“There was a new sign at the edge of town, West Gull, population 684" You notice every little new thing about a place once so familiar, and because most things have stayed the same, you assume that the people living there have also remained the same. However, much like Carl, I am often surprised to see how many things have changed.

Cohen is a generous writer – he will give a simple moment between two people the space of two pages to live in. Describing every little detail, movement and thought with great care. He allows the reader to wallow in that moment for a few minutes, provoking me to relate the experiences of Chrissy and Carl to the sacred moments from my own life when time seems to stand still and every detail is somehow magnified in my memory – those meetings with my first love after returning from living abroad for several years. Returning home to see him standing in front of me, drinking me in. Every word is etched in my mind and the touch of his hand burned into my skin.

Cohen’s words make the reader feel everything that Carl is feeling, from the emptiness to the regret, to the fear and anger. Hearing about his depressing life somehow simultaneously makes me feel sadness, sorry and empathy for him. We’ve all been in Carl’s place at somepoint in life, and hearing about his sorrows make me wonder about all those people I grew up with, and if they’re still in that place today.

Many of my friends from home live in a place that is bleak and unchanging like West Gull seems to be. A place where small people have great power and where the only source of entertainment comes in the form of a bottle of booze. While surely there is happiness and joy in places like the farm towns of Lambton County, each time I go home I can’t help but notice all the little things that people do to feed that craving inside of them that Cohen describes Carl experiencing:

The craving he had was like a wound. A line drawn by a knife through his flesh and soul. Everything had fled the sharp steel. Sometimes the yearning hunger grew more raw with every breath and if he tried to breathe deeply the knifeline opened so wide he felt dizzy. (Cohen 28)

I once felt this craving and it lead me to take off, to get out of my little town to find something fresh where things weren’t all the same. Where everyone didn’t know everyone else’s business, where I was just me in that moment, and not the me that came with all the preconveied ideas of who I was that had been formed over the past 29 years. Not the me that people related to my parents, who also grew up in my small town, who went to my highschool, and who were known for being this or that.
Meanwhile in my hometown people still say “Oh, you’re a McBeth…are you Hick’s granddaughter? I knew your aunts, didn’t one of them have a baby when she was a teenager? And your other cousin, didn’t he marry a Cadieux? Those Cadieuxs, they sure rule this town. You grew up next door to the Bramham’s, right? Did you hear that Rick is in jail now? I used to date this guy who used to date your friend back in highschool. Now he’s married to your mom’s best friend’s son, they have a little girl and she goes to preschool with my sister’s daughter…” What ever happened to that saying we used to use in elementary school – MYOB!

When Carl returns to his hometown he experiences a similar feeling that everyone thinks that can place judgement on him by who his family is and by the things he did when he was back in highschool. People assume they know what kind of person he is, neglecting to realize that he could have changed, just like the town itself has changed.

At this point in the novel I am still very much on Carl’s side, hoping that he’s going to make the right decisions to get his life back together.

In the meantime, I can't get this John Mellencamp song out of my head! Add this to the soundtrack.

Small Town by John Mellencamp

Well I was born in a small town
And I live in a small town
Prob`ly die in a small town
Oh, those small communities

All my friends are so small town
My parents live in the same small town
My job is so small town
Provides little opportunity

Educated in a small town
Taught the fear of Jesus in a small town
Used to daydream in that small town
Another boring romantic that`s me

But I`ve seen it all in a small town
Had myself a ball in a small town
Married an L.A. doll and brought her to this small town
Now she`s small town just like me

No I cannot forget where it is that I come from
I cannot forget the people who love me
Yeah, I can be myself here in this small town
And people let me be just what I want to be

Got nothing against a big town
Still hayseed enough to say
Look who`s in the big town
But my bed is in a small town
Oh, and that`s good enough for me

Well I was born in a small town
And I can breathe in a small town
Gonna die in this small town
And that`s prob`ly where they`ll bury me